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Fallen-away Catholics: Story of the swans
by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés on Mar. 10, 2009
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Printer-friendly versionSend to friendPDF versionA story is not something we tell. A story is a living being that shows up in answer to our questions about the mysteries of life ... Often enough, a story comes forward on its own, having traveled a long distance to be with us, often hoping to remember us back into some layer of the mysterium, the parts that most nourish our souls ... and the souls of others.
-- cpe
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In my Latino heritage, the following story is one spun together during a time with La señora Maria Elena, a member of my spirit family -- she, a muñecadora, a marionette maker, who lived in a fronterizo, border village near Nogales long ago.
As a young woman, the questions I had asked Maria Elena were these:
Why do we have deep in our souls such a longing to be reunited with our own ... whether in my case, a lost brother, siblings and parents ... or in the case of others ... a lost mother, a lost father, sister, grandparent, a lost child, a lost friend, lover, a lost soul?
Why do we yearn so hard to find the desaparecidos, the missing ones, on this earth? -- those who even if we have never met them -- we know they are 'out there' ... and they are so dear to us that we pray for them everyday ... not even knowing their names, not even knowing where they lay their heads? We know them because we know, that's all.
So together, as Maria Elena danced her "puppet-os" across the floor, we listened to a greater Soul, and out came this story.
"Los cisnes, The Swans..."
Once long ago, the swans, great gorgeous birds of soft plumage, were created in many colors. There were red swans, black swans, white swans, and blue swans.
The swans of all colors lived together, and chose their mates for life. They showed each other how to weave their nests with grasses and sedges, human hair, and sometimes red threads or blue threads they'd found along the way.
The elder swans showed the younger how to care for their children together; how to shelter and protect each other; how to fly out in wing-to-wing formations together; how to sing and sing to raise the sun at dawn and to bring the night at dusk.
Thus the swans were at peace for eons until one dark day when came a terrible tempest rolling across the land. Creator flew down to warn them: 'To be saved, all swans must, under great duress, fly to the four distant points of the world.'
Creator foretold that the tempest would reach all points of the earth and destroy much ... but for the swans, their being separated from one another -- rather than being together in one place -- would ensure the survival of more, rather than less, of God's great creature called Swan.
And so the swans, with their small bindle bags of underwater grasses, and their little children and lifelong mates, flew as refugees.
They rose into the air in a flurry, heart-frightened, leaving most everything behind, not knowing where they were going ... only knowing they were fleeing mayhem ... only knowing that as long as their feathers held out, they would fly through rain storms, lightning strikes, and over mountains ...
they would fly over the wires that kill, over the waters poisoned ... they would fly through hails of bullets, they would fly over wastelands with nowhere to land or rest ... they would fly and fly as far in every direction as possible ... to preserve that which Creator calls Swan.
It is said the red swans flew as far as they could to the west where, in the color of the setting sun, they would be given camouflage and refuge.
The black swans flew as far as they could to the north where, in the darkness of long winters, they would be camouflaged, and thereby be as safe from harm as possible.
The white swans flew to the south where they took refuge among the spinners and weavers of white cotton, and there they were camouflaged and kept as safe as could be.
And the blue swans flew as far as they could to the east where there was a great ocean. On this ocean, the swans could barely be seen so blue were the swans, so blue were the waters. And there they made their homes as safely as possible.
Yet in the swans' cross migrations to the South once a year -- the most dangerous of times, for their camouflages were not intact then -- the old swans of every color were ever seeking the swans descended from their first home place, which now numbered many generations.
And, finding so many, the old ones especially would tell the stories of their most immaculate place of origin before the mayhem had separated them.
And this joy of reunion belonged to all the swans, together; their souls were fastened together by that one incorruptible place of origin.
And how did they find one another after so long separated, for there are millions of birds in any sky? Before the tempest came, the swans could speak, just as you and I do. But when mayhem came over the land, Creator took pity on the swans and said, 'I will give into your hearts the one thing that will set your pace and save your lives and the lives of others forever.
Thus, Creator gave the swans but one cry. The original cry the swans trumpeted sounded like this...
¿Dónde está usted?But, over time, to give them more breath to fly farther, and since all the swans knew the full cry by heart, Creator shorted the cry to one you can hear the swans cry today. They fly overhead, trumpeting, ¿Dónde? ¿Dónde? ¿Dónde?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?¿Dónde?, this the Creator gave specifically ... not ¡Alto!, Stop right there!; not ¡Dejame solo!, Leave me alone ... but rather, ¿Dónde? ... the short version of Creator's long lesson about Love on earth.
¿Dónde? -- the only words Creator tenderly placed into the souls of the swans ... the cry granted so they would never, ever, completely lose one another.
Not Fallen-Away, Rather, Pushed Away
I apologize for using the phrase "fallen-away Catholic," in the title above. It's a familiar old fashioned phrase, but not one I find precise. Yet, in the one inch square space for the title of each weekly column in the sidebar of NCR's main page, a writer has only very few words to lead readers to articles. I'd hoped using the familiar, albeit, imprecise phrase, would let people know the idea we'd be gathering over.
But, the actual phrase ought actually be "pushed away Catholic" or "pushed out Catholic."
These many months at National Catholic Reporter, as I've read the comments on articles I write here, as well as many of the comments on other articles at NCRonline, I see that there are every now and then, souls who tell of leaving the church.
For most, the common denominators seem that they were flayed needlessly; or hounded sadistically as children; or else shunned for imperfect knowing; or shamed for finding their ways in a manner that was more of a mythic journey than the rote one laid out by mere mortals.
Or else only offered the food of ferrets when they, in fact, were swans needing the food of swans. Nothing wrong with ferret food for ferrets (meat), but ferret food for swans (grains and underwater grasses), makes the swans slowly die from starvation.
Most of all, many of the pushed away, by their telling of their own stories, came to rest, torn and bewildered, in a hollow. This occurred because for years, for decades, no one with wisdom and clear vision that they could understand without crippling themselves further, came to their rescue. These souls were not fallen from the nest, they were pushed.
The Mr. Mean Jeans Syndrome
Yet, I have also noted some who claim, online, to be Catholics, commenting to those pushed from the nest, that they are glad they're gone and good riddance ...
but without ever once assessing the wounds of those who have been brave enough to say how on a journey of such undeserved and often unrelieved torture, they could not go on being injured without repair. They had to seek their solace and repair elsewhere, if at all.
It could be said that Catholics who make such excoriating comments to the seriously wounded, appear to be more interesting in being harsh and 'correcting others,' than in healing hearts.
But I believe there's more to most persons, even if one in an occasional fit of ill temper, condemns a wounded soul who is crying, "I am wounded, and doing the best I can ... and I'm trying to stay away from those who harmed me and would harm me yet. "
You and I, old believers, know the goodness inside all souls can sometimes be overwhelmed by the ego's ambitions to make pronouncements that seem so clearly grand in the moment -- but turn out later to have made us sound like complete nincompoops. We've all been there, sinned there.
That's why I think it's the old believers most of all, who can see that those who act too brusquely to rid themselves of the wounded, would on most days tend to the wounds of others if . ...
they, in fact, came across a swan trembling on a stone ledge, a bird so traumatized, and so muddy and bedraggled from having gone through storm, having barely survived hunters, having sickened from drinking bad water, having had to walk fire-burnt environs, gotten trapped in oil saturated beaches that glued the swan's feathers together so they could not fly freely ...
It is in the goodness of most souls, when confronted with a frightened and defensive swan, or a frightened swan with love pleading from its eyes ... that even a chronically impatient person would not harm this creature, but rather try to bring it aid.
Seeing Christ in the face of the creature and all they have suffered through, can make impatience and its pronouncements seem cheap and easily gotten.
Seeing the thorn-crowned Cristocito in the heart of a wounded soul, seeing that soul is still a swan, and still has intact feathers and still has potential for flight that is not of the fleeing kind only, but also, as they were born and meant to be: of the soaring kind...
Wouldn't a person who has grown used to their own harshness have yet another chance to remember they also have a soul that insists on being happy with those who are happy, and sad with those who are sad? Instead of imperious or pre-emptive?
I believe even those who have never had to wade into facing the gut injuries of the battlefield, would find a way to have mercy on the wounded.
I believe people from all kinds of “normally-arch” perspectives, if given a clear reading of one who has been devastated, would choose helping to heal that person instead of helping to harm that person.
Especially if they remembered, they too, are from the same original home place.
Good Shepherd, swan, so similar. The soul's work is to find, to protect, to stay close by if we can, and if we cannot stay, or they cannot stay, then to leave behind as much medicine and nourishment as possible, to provision them for the next step in their journey.
There are rarely fallen away Catholics, but there are many unhealed ones.
¿Dónde está usted?
Where are you?
¿Dónde? ¿Dónde? ¿Dónde?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Aqui. Aqui. Aqui.
We are here.
We are still here.
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"Fallen-Away Catholics: Story of The Swans" and the literary story, "Los cisnes, The Swans" ©2009 and ©1967, by Dr. C.P. Estés. All Rights Reserved. Permissions: projectscreener@aol.com
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CODAS
1. Story of the Swans, Los cisnes"
Some might ask: What shall we do for swans who bite and say they want no help/healing? Well, first of all, it's rare we hear of death by swan, so do not be afraid. Yet, for those who are or have been just regular communicants like us, I'd advise retreat, but only with the goal of regrouping and praying to be shown, "Is there another way through, and how?" In the meantime, for certain, regarding those who are clearly wounded and are saying so aloud ... if you cannot help, do no harm.
2. Your e-mail
My mailbox has been flooded with letters from religious (women and men) and lay persons (women and men) re last week's column: Nuns, The Civilizing Force of the Church. I will in future columns be writing about the deep concerns, the humor, the wounds and gifts, the hopes and dreams that are part of our consecrated sisters' (and brothers') lives ... ones that may not show on the surface. I thank all who wrote such heartfelt missives, and invite you who have yet to say anything or have more to say, to please write me (your confidences will be held completely) at projectscreener@aol.com
3. Prayer ribbons: your comments
You have likely noticed the spiffy new website NCR has put up. It takes time and a lot of skate keys to get everything just so.
Many of you have written me asking about the new format, and for now, til we see all the tweaking in place, I'd like to address only the loss of comments on my articles for the last year. Please know that NCR gave me notice when the old site would be taken apart and that comments would not make it to the new design. So, one night after the midnight hour, I downloaded each article I'd written along with all your comments. I have your comments all here, printed out and safe. Don't think they disappeared into the vapor. They didn't.
Here is why. Whenever anyone comments on my articles here, their name goes on a prayer ribbon, which is a piece of colored paper I've carefully cut into strips and keep a pile of here at my desk. Then, these might go on my ofrenda, my little home altar, or they might stay with me here at my writing desk for a time, depending on the urgency I sense. Each day, I ask that all souls be lifted and looked at to see what each might need, and to please help in whatever form each soul can understand.
(You can't get out of it, even if you go by the name 'anonymous' ... for I just write that down too along with one or two words from the comment so I know which 'anonymous' is which.) As always, if you have a prayer request, you can always put it at the end of your comment. You needn't name names unless you wish to: Creator knows everyone by name. Probably has some hilarious nicknames for some of us more, ah, unusual types. I'd ever be honored to pray for your intentions.
Be blessed.
Dr.E
Lovely story to enliven the
Lovely story to enliven the current situation. As a swan, swimming on el rio debajo-el-rio, am touched by your sharings. Heard you in Albequerque aeveral years ago, speaking of the man needed for the job as pontiff....you said one with arms and bosom wide enough to welcome all swans in, and steel cajones to deal with the curia....Love it!CmjWj
In some of his first remarks
In some of his first remarks upon becoming Pope, Benedict XVI spoke beautifully about the shepherd seeking out the lost sheep.
I think the columnist is right to think that most who leave the Church are more hurt than angry. (From what I can determine, a lot of the angry ones have remained!) I believe divorce and disagreements concerning sexual morality play a role in very many instances; and probably second to that, especially in times past, is (was) finding a parish priest unsympathetic to a child's complaints of abuse by a parent.
Hermana Clarissa, I was
Hermana Clarissa,
I was honored to meet you some years ago at the Call to Action conference in which you spoke of the "church beneath the church." I was moved as if pushed by Spirit to stand in line to speak with you afterwards...and all I remember is that when you embraced me in your arms and nuzzled me into your heart whispering into my ear,something like, "Be the woman you are meant to be." I wept copious tears then and for days afterwards...and felt a fire from your belly come into my own. It was a transformative moment for me.
I left this church for 30 years and have been back about 15... now I try to do whatever I can to guide the anawim God sends me and together we teach one another.
Swans come over my home here in Northern California each day... I had never heard the story of these glorious birds, but now when I look upward to greet them, I'll smile inwardly as I remember we are aqui.
Blessings and love, Hedy
Thank you Dr Estes. I felt
Thank you Dr Estes. I felt called to respond as I was reading this and felt so moved by the tenderness of your prayer ribbons. My spirits feel lifted by reading your tender hearted stories.
Dear Clarissa, I very much
Dear Clarissa,
I very much love to read your columns-they are so poignant ,so inclusive of all brothers and sisters that we are connected to. I so want my mane to be o n your prayer ribbon on your offenda. I will remember you on my own little prayer corner. My prayer request is that hearts that are wounded will be healed by Christ's love that is in all of us. Blessings Elaine
It is always good to read
It is always good to read your articles. With this one you helped me save a few of my feathers to try to push forward a little longer. I find like you, that most people who are quick to judge a group are kinder to the individual - I guess that is why Jesus calls us out by name. I can't tell you how warm and wonderful it made me feel (and probably everyone else who reads your column) to know we are not sending comments into the void but instead into the arms of God. You are so good for us sometimes teaching something, sometimes healing, always caring. Thank God for you Dr. Estes.
Dear Dr. E: I look forward to
Dear Dr. E:
I look forward to every one of your stories. I compare myself to some of them. This week, I am a Swan. But am not a pushed away one...Thank God. But am one who flew away from home. I learn so much from you. I appreciate your God given gifts and I ask for your prayers...sittin on your desk or your ofrenda. Thank you.
Toni DiGiorgio
Thank you for your thought
Thank you for your thought provoking columns. I too could be one of the pushed out Catholics, but El Senor has asked me to stay and pray lovingly for those who have hurt me. This has expanded into prayer for all brothers and sisters all over the world, especially those whose actions I most dislike, remembering that they are also God's beloved children. Pray for me that I will persevere until I come to love even my enemies.
Susi
Dear Dr E thnk you for the
Dear Dr E thnk you for the gift that you so generously share with us. I don't think i have ever read one of you articles without being moved to tears. Either the odd one rolling down my cheeks or bucket loads that wet my shirt. Something in your writing always moves me deeply. I love the way you tell a story, so richly painted in words.
May you live long and be well and continue to inspire so many of us.
I am writing to you from Australia a land blessed with many stroy tellers but unfotunately their stories are too little heard.
Dear Dr. E,
Dear Dr. E,
Please don't forget to rededicate yourself as a saint each day because you are my Saint. Thank you for lifting my soul and teaching me to understand through your stories and books. It all began by the grace of God, when " Women Who Run with the Wolves" fell off the bookstore shelf onto my head many years ago. Also, I probably know every story by heart on both volumes of Theatre of the Imagination. Miraculously, I searched, Donde esta usted?, I found your column here which I look forward to each week. It is my weekly therapy. As I read your columns, I laugh, I cry and I remember, Aqui. Thank you for your prayers. I can hear them.
With much love,
Janine
P.S. Sometime in a future column, would you tell the story of the" Silver Fish in the Pink Polk-a- dot Dress"
Dear Clarissa, Your book
Dear Clarissa,
Your book "Women who run with the Wolves" helped open my mind and my heart to a longing for peace many years ago. A dear friend has shown me your pages of Wisdom. I could relate to so many of the stories. I am one of those who do not practice Catholic dogma. Coming from a family of sorrow due to an abusive alcolic father I watched my mother beaten and then return to have more babies. I found no solace in a church that did not support her divorcing this man or a police dept that brought him back to us after he sobered up. I know this story is represenative of so many women. I do ask for your prayers as I seek my soul and just wanted to say thank you for who you are. I just read your poem about "Guadalupe the Mexican Goddess" I would like to share my poem about all women with you. May you always be blessed.
Woman
The Brightest Star
In the Darkest Sky
Is the Reflection
Of a Womans Soul
The Sinewy Tree
In the Cleft of a Rock
Is the Patient outgrowth
Of a Woman's Endurance
The Reddest Rose
On the Thorniest Path
Is the Delicate Strength
Of a Woman's Affection
The Fiery Orange Sunset
In the dusky evening Sky
Is the Joyous Celebration
Of a Woman's Freedom
The Lucid Frost of Winter
In the Seasons of Life
Is the Soul's Reminder
Of her Illumination
TMM
So true! Thanks for this
So true! Thanks for this perspective. I would probably still be Catholic were it not for the fact that after my son was murdered, there was no (I repeat NO) outreach to our family by the priests of our church, except for about a 10 minute visit, in which the priest didn't even sit down but stood in our entryway. Then, while we were preparing for the funeral, somebody on the funeral committee or whatever had the audacity to shame us for not belonging to a small community. We had belonged to one for quite awhile, but quit when I started taking my daughter to math tutoring. When I asked the priest why he hadn't been over to see us or reached out to us, he asked me why I hadn't had him over for dinner! We still tried sticking with the church for several years afterwards (naively, as it turned out). We were ignored, so now we are in a Prostestant church where the very kind minister still meets with me monthly for counseling -- 10 years after the murder. This was NEVER offered in the Catholic church we attended. I had to beg for every crumb of kindness, it seems. I will NEVER and I repeat NEVER go back, even though our son is buried in a Catholic cemetery.
Taking you at your word, your
Taking you at your word, your priest could have helped because "spiritual" and "grief" often merge (e.g. C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed). And, going even further, were there agencies (Catholic or otherwise) that offered counseling in your area? If so, did your priest in the doorway mention them? But also keep in mind that this is not 1933. Parishes are not social services agencies. Those services migrated up to Diocese a long time ago, which I'm sure you're aware of.
But I'm not sure whether to take you at your word or not. The reason I say that is because of the venom dripping from your post. And the fact that you're still in regular monthly therapy after ten years.
There's an old phrase, "mad with grief". There's also an old saw that goes, "it takes one to know one." Having myself been to the other side of clinical madness and returned, I am curious whether you had expectations or have memories shaped through an analagous traumatic lens. I know that my memories of that time seem "real" but that they do not correspond to what other people were actually thinking, feeling, saying or doing. And my reactions to folks at the time were, shall we say, off the wall.
The need to talk things out shines from your post like a searchlight. So, from my limited vantage point, unless you still have an intractable issue with God after ten years of counseling, your monthly sessions with your Pastor are likely run-of-the-mill "grief counseling" sessions, a service available at most mental health agencies. If he is the only one you are seeing, then what you would seem to most prize receiving from that ministry is a worldly bauble, in this case mental health counseling without the stigma.
That's not enough reason to stay away. And nowadays you can even pick your parish.
I disagree with your
I disagree with your statement "The reason I say that is because of the venom dripping from your post." I did not see venom, I saw pain. Venom is reflected in many of the slogans and much of the rhetoric we hear from various groups. Baby-Killer is venom. Party of death is venom.
There are comments in your response that I would consider condescending:
--- I'm sure you're aware of.
--- what you would seem to most prize receiving from that ministry is a worldly bauble
You also say "That's not enough reason to stay away."
Reading his response, it sounds like he was pushed away, as so many have been, and decided that what the RCC had to offer simply wasnt worth the price he would have to pay for it. That possiblity should cause every catholic to cry, for there are many who have left who feel that way.
As Dr E pointed out, there are many within who will simply say "good riddance, we didnt want them around anyway". That should cause us to cry as well.
... begging forgiveness from
... begging forgiveness from 'Been There,' I'd like to just mention gently, that in emails/online, it is sometimes difficult to parse a commenter's tone. It is easy to project that someone else is finding/feeling something or other, whether they are or not. Just speaking for myself, personally I find I can see more about others by asking those I can, what they are thinking... or else, in terms of public figures, seeking their public statements in the aggregate to better see/ understand their stances.
No two swans with broken wings have those breaks in the same radius, nor the mending in the same ways, nor on the same time schedules. I do take souls at their word when they are crying out. The soul is most often the one crying out in loss of a child. Remember Rachel on the hills of Ramah after the slaughter of innocents... Rachel wept and screamed and 'would not be comforted.'
It takes time. Often years, even though mending and 'return to life from hell on earth' is not time-bound, it is a journey, and for some of us with deep losses, a lifelong one. That progresses are made is what shines and matters most. 2% here, 5% there. It adds up over the years. Impatience, especially with oneself, can re-wound the spirit. Patientia: to suffer with. To stay with. To stay with some more.
For this commenter whose son was murdered, and for "Been there" who has clearly faced as he/she put it so well, 'the madness of grief,' both, may you have peace more and more... and rest in the best of your knowings. You have both been through a lot, and these matters cycle through from time to time, even after we all 'thought I already dealt with that.' El Cristo had compassion most of all, not for the well and tidied up, but for the wounded trying to heal.
again, just my two cents worth,
dr.e
Dear Anonymous, What a shame
Dear Anonymous,
What a shame and how hurt you must have been and are still. When we look for comfort and it is denied, it is not you who hurts but that part of you which has your deepest self in its control. I wonder what your son would counsel, what he would say. My sensation is that this is calling you, this feeling attached to a very great need, which was unmet. Dear Soul, and I say this with the softest voice, a voice which whispers for fear of hurting further a heart already so wounded - Forgiveness is not to be confused with saying what happened is okay. Forgiveness of others is a prerequisite to our own forgiveness. Forgiveness is saying rather that I no longer will allow this to have a negative power over my life and the life of those I love and it is saying it on knees which bend and heart which aches. I often reflect on Mary and how she coped with the murder of her own Son, with his being betrayed. How long did it take her? Like you, she not only lost her Son but witnessed His betrayal. I often write the word forgiveness, over and over because I find it so difficult to understand and embrace, it is a helpful practice, the word has a healing power and persona which is linked to the essence of our faith. It is a great sadness that any soul should have a place that they cannot enter, especially a place where Jesus may be found and He may be found anywhere. The Father's knock on the door of our hearts is often not heard with ears that are in tune. I am sorry for your loss, sorry for your hurt, sorry that it traps you still. I pray the burden you carry can be lifted from your shoulders and placed alongside so many of my own, at the foot of the cross. With love and blessings,
LA
You probably should not
You probably should not insult ferrets! My hope is that all Catholics who are angry with the Church can come back and be nourished by Jesus.
Timothy, it is my hope also
Timothy, it is my hope also that all Catholics who are angry with the Church will be able to return and be nourished by Jesus, but I also hope that those who are not able to return will be nourished where ever they are. Jesus nourishes through the Eucharist and through his Word proclaimed, but also through a loving community -- us. I pray that we will nourish all whom we encounter, whether in the Church or not. Blessings!
Susi
Thank you for this beautiful
Thank you for this beautiful story of the swans. Soaring is the most energy efficient way to get to where we have to go when we know we are led by the Holy Spirit and pushed out of our Church to heal and not be hurt more or be part of the ones who hurt others.
I was so inspired that I
I was so inspired that I wrote a song about it. I love the idea of a prayer ribbon with names on it and it is a great idea! My voice is now old and rusty, but I finally sang and maybe someone with a younger voice will sing it someday.
You can hear the demo of my song entitled Friends of Mine at http://www.stereofame.com/fran_schultz
There is even a coda in the song. Here are the lyrics.
Friends of Mine © Copyright 2009
Lyrics and Music by Fran Schultz
She has a ribbon with your name on it
Of everyone who comments on her page
It’s on her desk where she can see it
And it’s got your name on it
I can feel the praying
Even though a thousand miles away
I can feel the love
Even though a thousand miles away
She’ll say a prayer
She’ll think of you
Her prayer that you will soar
Soar like a swan
That’s headed for Home Sweet Home
She’s a friend of mine
That I know I can trust
And friends like this are very rare
Are jewels God sends to make things fair.
She has a ribbon with your name on it
Of everyone who comments on her page
It’s on her desk where she can see it
And it’s got your name on it
Soar like a swan
That’s headed for Home Sweet Home
She’s a friend of mine
That I know I can trust
And friends like this are very rare
Jewels from God to make things fair.
Dear Dr. Estes, Thank you for
Dear Dr. Estes,
Thank you for the swan story. I save so many stories and bring them again and again to those who would benefit, sometimes children, sometimes friends but mostly me, for always I benefit most. Thank you.
Also for the prayer ribbon, what an inspiration and how great a privelege to be prayed for by another and in such a manner. Be sure that your name will be on my own ribbon as I make room for a new place in my life for yet another lesson which you have sent to me.
With love and blessings,
LA
Dear Dr. E: Thanks for the
Dear Dr. E: Thanks for the swan story. I have a longing in my heart sometimes for those swans. I will light a candle at the Cathedral in downtown Santa Fe. There is a wonderful window of Our Lady of Guadalupe there. She is colored like she comes from the sea with teal blue robes a beautiful Our Lady. A candle to you Dr. E and all your blessed stories, your blessed pro bono work for immigrants, your deep and far reaching heart. You are like a mom to me: she was a swan who left too early.. thanks for being there...
Hey Doc. What a great and
Hey Doc.
What a great and wonderful story!
I know that you and some others, really do embrace those of us who are "other." However, many in the church do not and I think that they don't even care to know we exist.
It's so easy to love people when they fit a mold that one is comfortable with.
It becomes another matter when one meets someone who is "different" or "other."
In my day I've heard some of the most hurtful things said regarding people like me, said by the church.
I left the church due to such hurtful and ugly words.
Years later I went back to the church only to wind up being kicked out due to a letter sent out by Cardinal Ratzinger concerning the moral sickness of gay people - I believe the phrase he used was "innately evil" (Cardinal Ratzinger - the Pope's rottwieler, at the time, but he's graduated up to Pope now).
I never thought I'd see that happen btw (Ratzinger becoming Pope). I really thought that after all of the harm he'd done to innocent people, that his career as a biting vicious animal for the more conservative elements in the church would conclude once people realized how sick at heart he was.
I can admit when I'm wrong and MAN WAS I WRONG.
It's funny. I promised myself years ago when the Cardinal sent that letter out (after crying for several days) that I would never let the church hurt me ever again.
Funny word "never."
The day that Cardinal Ratzinger was elected to Pope, after 25 years of ignoring anything to do with the church, I saw it announced on the news and ...
I couldn't believe it!
I found myself crying. (What a putz I can be!)
Then I was yelling at myself for being such a LOSER as to bother to cry over such a thing.
But ..
I truth, I cried because I knew then, that afternoon, that things were not going to change, at least, not in my lifetime and that I would not be able to go back to the church ..ever.
Thank you for writing this. I hope that people can hear your words and the message of love that you, with patience and constancy, give out.
As for us...the "others".. the one's booted out of the church with no recourse..
I know some who have died of heartbreak (truly they have) and others of us that just bide out our time alone...until our time runs out.
What other choice do we have, eh?
Take care and thank you for your kind words Doc.
Ghosty
God bless your tears. God
God bless your tears. God bless the hurt you have suffered. God bless all who feel so alienated from the church. Remember that God is NOT contained inside the confines of the church. May you find peace. May we all ask forgiveness for our sins of judgement. May we seek and follow guidance from the Holy Spirit in the future and include all in God's tent. God's love is all encompassing.
I didn't cry; I yelled and
I didn't cry; I yelled and stomped my feet and shouted some more. Why? I am not gay; I am female and I felt like hope was lost the day B-16 was elected. But it wasn't because here we have Dr. Estes telling her story and you responding to it and me responding to you. WE are the church whether we frequent the buildings or not. When the broken gather - even online - then we are church. Keep the door close enough to peek in occasionally. You might see big changes in your lifetime yet.
?Donde? Ghosty, I'm over here
?Donde? Ghosty,
I'm over here crying out for you. We in these rainbow swan feathers with our brokenness from being evicted from our Mother Church, we need, I think, to keep up our keening, keep up our calling as we are able. I hear your cry, my friend. I can't show you the way back in - I'm out here, too and we get hungry, don't we, for belonging, for Eucharist? I do anyway - I can't really speak for you. I can't even know if you will hear me. But I'm gonna keep up my cries.
Thanks for praying for us Dr.E - I'll light a candle for you.
Jean
Dr E, what a beautiful and
Dr E, what a beautiful and inspiring story.
One of the things about the story I found so fascinating was the color choices. The colors in your story are very similar/identical to the colors that many of the Native American tribes gave to the 4 directions. It if fascinating to see the synchronicities such as this. Fascinating in that it is a precious reminder that all of us are God's children. All of us created in God's image.
Dear Clarissa: Many peoples,
Dear Clarissa:
Many peoples, before the birth of our Lord and Savior, created mythologies.
Your forcing a newer meaning on an old myth is just a new mythology.
You are right to apologise for misleading your readers.
"Pushed"-Away catholics is what you entended and should have written, to be honest.But that would tip your hand.
Clever. But sad.
A vulture in swan's clothing!
You should return to the Christ and His Holy Church, Amen!
What is very sad, Ed, is your
What is very sad, Ed, is your comment.
Dear Dr. Estes, Thank you for
Dear Dr. Estes,
Thank you for your wonderful story about the Swans and the Catholics who are "pushed out" of church. I am a divorced and remarried Catholic. AT first I attended Mass, but after going to talk with out parish priest about an annulment I felt I was not really welcome to receive communion. It was fine with the priest if I sat in the pew and contributed my money envelope, but I was not to tell anyone that I was a divorcee. So, three years ago I left and began attending the Episcopal Church. Your story of the swans brought tears to my eyes and I realize how much it still hurts to not be welcomed at my church. There are so many others who have had the same experience as I. In 1993 I bought your book "Women Who Run With Wolves". Your stories in the book were encouraging to me and the book still has a special place in my main bookcase. Thank you for writing.
Shirley Jean
Who finds only one
Who finds only one meaning...isn't that what we are talking about...? Love is another story, it's expression streams from the heart in a multiplicity of forms. Reaching, touching, receiving, giving. We know it is truth because it comes from the heart. Honor, protection, courage and yes also the need to fight. For the truth, for our children, for the holy earth that we are part of...Who finds only one meaning...
Beautiful story - but it does
Beautiful story - but it does not factor in the reality that many choose not to follow the Creator's flight plan. The Creator simply tells the swans what they must to do live. Whether they listen and do His true will is another matter entirely.
Those swans that choose to take any path are not doing the Creator's will. Many choose more than one soulmate, and others frequently eat their young. They instead publicly belittle, blame, and attack special swans given to them by the Creator by instead referring to them as vultures. They do not apologize or repent for their actions, but instead devote all energy to convince other swans that theirs is the right path.
My prayer is that the all the swans try to truly listen to the Creator's instructions. If they don't, the Creator loves them enough to respect their free will and provide a map to show the way back. When we seek out the lost swans with a determination to bring them back safely, and instead allow them to falsely convince us to follow their path, or because it is just easier to agree with them, we become lost as well.
I believe Dr. Clarissa is
I believe Dr. Clarissa is correct to think the 'fallen away' are more hurt than angry. Let's hope her message reaches the right ears.
Thank you for your story. I
Thank you for your story. I am no longer Catholic but catholic. I have not been pushed, nor have I fallen, I just realized I was no longer comfortable in that nest. I am not wounded nor unhappy nor sad. I am grateful, EVRGR8FL, and in my leaving I am healed. I am in a very comfortable and sacred place of love and of God and with others continue to enjoy life in joy and peace.
Dear Dr Clarissa I too found
Dear Dr Clarissa
I too found myself with 'Woman who run with the wolves' in my hands at the most appropriate time,,it gave me great inspiration and guidance....i even painted an exibition with your words and stories in mind[lots of bones]
I am constantly amazed by my own capacity and the phenomenon of healing,grace and renewal after heartbreak and grief,
Im so glad to be back!...'be the woman you are meant to be'
I love your weekly stories,i find that they are so timely and apt[wild horses]
and often get me scribbling in my workbook..
How grateful i am at the thought of being on one of your prayer ribbions,
Healingx Josieandthesea
Interesting metaphor. In the
Interesting metaphor.
In the wake of CA Prop 8, my wife, a cradle Catholic, is leaving the RC church for the Episcopalians. Yesterday at Episcopal Mass, the preacher spoke of just and unjust laws, and specifically stated that we and others like us, as married (in our case) or would-be-married gay couples making a faithful, lifelong commitment to one another, are welcome in their faith community. Can you imagine the effect that had on my wife? To have it stated firmly at Mass, that she as a married lesbian woman of deep faith and spirituality, is actually WELCOME?
The best she gets from the Catholics is a "don't ask don't tell" hypocrisy. The worst my wife has endured is a spittle-flecked sermon of hatred and lies, that reviled GLBT (and thus my wife) as disgusting moral evils who attack children. She endured it at an unfamiliar RC church on the morning of our wedding, a month before the passage of Proposition 8. About half the congregation applauded.
I don't think anyone will bring this swan back. Indeed, they have made it clear she is not welcome, and not wanted. And she is not alone in leaving.
I am a fallen away Catholic.
I am a fallen away Catholic. I tried to rejoin the Church last year but my pastor was suspicious and distrusting of me when I told him I wanted to be reconciled. "Why?" he asked. Why? Because I wanted to be a Catholic in good standing with the Church. But instead of welcoming me back, he doubted my sincerity and treated me coldly.
If my (former) pastor is like others, then fallen away Catholics don't have many people in the Church to turn to. To be frank, we need to get rid of these old cranky men and replace them with REAL pastors -- ministers who look after their parishioners' souls. I trusted this priest enough to place my salvation in his hands, but he seemed almost angered by the fact.
This is the first time I've
This is the first time I've read one of your columns, Dr. Estes.
When I think about the lost ones I think about the estrangement my husband suffers from his children after a bloody and difficult divorce. So while I could read your article thinking about, indeed, all of the people who post here and I talk to who have been hurt by the church, I also thought about that. In your article, this was my favorite phrase: "For most, the common denominators seem that they were flayed needlessly; or hounded sadistically as children; or else shunned for imperfect knowing; or _shamed for finding their ways in a manner that was more of a mythic journey than the rote one laid out by mere mortals_."
Indeed, a differnt path in life can estrange you from the church whether you wanted it or not!
Finally, your closing comments in your article is the _first intimation_ I've had by any NCR author that what we do here is more dialogue than anything. WOW! You read your comments. That may not always be true but just to know that it is done is amazing.
Of course, you authors can really get excoriated at times. I guess that goes with the territory. But I even taught the middle schoolers I worked with to "disagree respectfully"! Thanks for your fine column.
Dearest Teacher, Your work
Dearest Teacher,
Your work Women Who Run With the Wolves did no less than play an integral role in saving my life in my mid-twenties.
A dozen years later, I still return to it for deep guidance for my soul l as I do stories in the Torah. Thank you for so utterly helping me know my own wounds and soul. May you continue to go from strength to strength and know that
your gifts to women are deeply received and appreciated. Please include me in your prayers. Love, A.
My Dearest Clarissa, May I
My Dearest Clarissa, May I call you Clairssa? My name is part of your name. Claire
I consider myself a catholic in exile. I am 65. 18 years ago I started remembering how a priest played with my 10, 11 & 12 year old body. He told me it was a punishment, that I was a bad girl.I could not ask my mother for protection for she could not protect my older brother from my bully, intimidating dad. I stuffed all the pain and memories deeply and for a long time. I hated my marriage partner, but didn't know why I cried when he touched me. I have 3 beautiful children. I was not emotionally available for them. They are distant by emotion and geography. I raised my children catholic and went to catholic church with them until the youngest moved to Alaska.I told a priest once in 1995, and he said he was sorry that it happened. I told a nun and she told me of a nun friend who was struggling with the same problem. I called catholic charities and left a message about my problem. No one returned my call. Since I was a little girl I felt abandoned by god. he did not answer any of my prayers. I do not have a worship community. When I stopped going to catholic church, no one called me to ask where I was. No one cared. No one wants a depressed person to be their friend. I am poor, but I will save for your book "Running With The Wolves". Maybe it will help me find a god. Maybe it will help me to find a place for god in my life. I like it that you pray for all those people who respond to your stories. I will be looking for your stories.
Thank you thank you for the swan story. It is beautiful. I cried because they had a protector and I did not.It feels good to know that you have a prayer ribbon.
Dearest Clarissa and Claire,
Dearest Clarissa and Claire, too,
Clarissa, I love everything you write, but this swan column was the impetus that brought me back to the Church. I have felt so sad reading the other comments, especially GhostWalker's and Claire's. They will remain in my heart and in my prayers.
Coming back seems like an enormous gift to me, but now what? I have felt isolated for awhile.
Have you been on sabbatical?
Kindest regards,
star
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