Pure speculation: What might have been said when Trump met Putin

Please, note, dear readers: This blog is pure fanciful (and playful) speculation. I have no inside information about the recent meeting of Trump and Putin at the G20 in Hamburg, Germany. This is entirely "made up" — but who knows what transpired?

Trump: "Hey, Vlad … good to see you. And can you believe it? I actually won that 2016 election. And I want to thank you for your help. Your hacking may have helped. My intelligence agencies tell me so."

Putin: "Yup, Donald … I wanted to be sure you were elected. I certainly did not want to have to deal with Hillary Clinton as president of the United States. Can you imagine? I already have two women in power to deal with: Angela Merkel of Germany and Theresa May of Britain. That's enough! I know you understand."

Trump: "I understand, Vlad. Women can be problems in lots of ways."

Putin: "Well, I think you and I understand each other pretty well. And we know that leaders of countries should be ruling without interference from legislatures and the media."           

Trump: "Oh yes, the media! So awful! They have been attacking me at home mercilessly! Every day I see critical headlines. But my aides tell me we have something called the 'First Amendment.' It gives the media freedom to operate, and I can't stop them. I need to find out what that is, that 'First amendment.' "

Putin: "But I understand you had a meeting with Pope Francis a few weeks ago. We keep an eye on him from Russia. We worry about his popularity in the world because he doesn't seem to agree with us on lots of issues."

Trump: "Yes, I had a meeting at the Vatican with Pope Francis not long ago. Nice guy. But behind closed doors, I did get something of a 'lesson' in peace and justice from him. Naïve, I thought. Nice guy, but naïve."

Putin: "We need to work together in the future … and you know those investments you have in Russia? As long as we work together like a team on the world stage, I'll make sure they are secure."

Trump: "Thanks, Vlad. A team we are. I'll stay in touch."

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