Steppes to a new ewe

  • A recent study shows 12th-century conqueror Genghis Khan’s direct patrilineal descendants today include 16 million living men who carry his Y-chromosome. In other words, Genghis Khan had about 800,000 times the reproductive success of the average man of his age, an outsize contribution to the gene pool. What was his secret?

  • A spokesperson for a nationwide bookselling chain said half of their sales last year were in the self-help category.

I’m here with author Baba Tang Thiksken. His latest book The Indigenous Can Do No Wrong has hit its tenth week on the best-seller list.

Mr. Thiksken, what would you say has so far been the pinnacle of your career?

T. I’d say it was that unforgettable evening I channeled the world’s best known hunter-gatherer and “old soul,” Genghis Khan.

You chatted with Genghis Khan?

T. In fact, in one of my past lives I was him so the lines through the holographic cinemaplex inside my head were up and running, so to speak.

His name, of course, was Temujin. Born on the high plains of Central Asia to a herder family in a tribal society he was close to the earth on a daily basis. But from day one he was off on the wrong journey in life when his father noticed he clutched a blood clot in his little hand as he emerged from the womb into the 12th century. Yanked from connection with his inner child by Tatar raids and starvation, he was forced into the wrong life path and spiritual journey.

This man and his band of Mongol horsemen brutally conquered the world. His empire stretched from Beijing to Vienna.

T. He confided to me that his chief regret in life was that he wasn’t born later, into our time. Instead of pillage and looting, he would have taken up Reiki, massage therapy and shamanic counseling, all skills he was eminently suited for given his high earth literacy, his kissing-cousin relationship to the wind, sand, stars, local herbs and wildflowers.

If only his spiritual journey had taken a different tack. An Eight on the Enneagram, an INFJ and an “alpha” male person, he would be uniquely gifted to help us negotiate our present perilous paradigm shift.

His Earth kinship would have led him to take up his mother’s trade of making organic ewe milk cheese, selling it in a CSA along with his top-notch formula for male potency -- minus, of course, the traditional powdered yack penis -- but combined with ginseng and golden seal, a super duper vegan Viagra.

Ah, the books he could have written! – Mindful Conquest: The Tao of Causing Near-Death and Out of Body Experiences in Others; Living with Felt: the Feng Shui of Your Inner Yurt; and perhaps even Pondering the Earth through My Hybrid's Windshield: Living With a Sense of Spiritual Superiority.

Here’s the simple but effective mantra he gave me: “When embraced as a spiritual practice, participating in the natural flow of giving and receiving creates the opportunity for us to experience greater abundance and support, and a recognition of our oneness with the perfection of all life.”

He confided in me: “I was not a world conqueror having a spiritual experience. I was a spiritual being having a world conquest experience.”

Sounds like he just wanted to “be” rather than “do.”

T. He would have liked to spend a season in Merton’s hermitage at Gethsemane, saying “Om” in the evening “Ah” in the morning and “Wow” all day.

You learned the secrets of the ages from him, sounds like.

T. “Manifest your destiny,” he told me, “for we are like bees bumbling futilely at a closed window with an open door out to the meadows of praise and gratefulness only inches away. Choose your own greatness. Cultivate a rampage of wellbeing in your life. Happiness is a state of mind, for your ego is a cottage that falls on your stripey-sock clad wicked witch, but your electric, hug-generated thoughts can manifest ruby slippers. Obstacles are pesky things you can bypass with the help of spirit helpers, soul retrieval, positive relationships with archetypal earth energies and Pleiadeic beings. Sing with the birds, watch the clouds glide overhead as the whales teach our Himalayan masters new songs. There’s a blessings cornucopia you can tap like a fraternity house beer keg, while steering your personal soul ship ever closer to the divine harmony within. Locate those inner planes, those tiny Cessnas that allow you to navigate other dimensions. Break into cuddle puddles and share. Miracle impulses happen.”

Wow! That doesn’t make any sense at all.

T. I want to believe all that so it must be true.

And who was wiser than that famous Mongol who so boldly expressed who he was on his journey. His mother called him “Turtle,” you know.

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